Only for Laughs 2

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Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 14 Nov 2012, 21:19

Teacher: What's wrong?

Little Johnny: Our house is very small.Me,my mum and my dad all sleep in the same bed.

Every night,dad ask if I'm sleeping,I says "no",then he slaps my face and
gives me a black eye.

Teacher:Johnny,tonight when your dad asks keep dead quiet,don't answer.

The following morning,Johnny's teacher sees him with a severe swelling on his face.

Teacher:My goodness! Why the
swelling?

Little Johnny: Dad asks me again,if i was sleeping,i shut up and kept dead
still,then my dad and mum started moving you know,mum was breathing heavily,
carrying her legs up and making moaning noises.

Then,my dad asked my mum,"are you coming"?

Mum replied "yes I'm coming,are you
coming too?"

Dad answered "yes".

They don't usually go any where with me so I said wait for me,I'm coming ;)
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 14 Nov 2012, 21:20

Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom and she said yes. When he went to wipe his backside, there was no toilet paper so he used his hand When he got back to class, his Teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?" Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away." He was then sent to the principals office and the Principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
So, Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."
He was sent home and his Mum asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"
Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."
He was then sent to his room and told to stay there till his Dad came home. His dad came home, went upstairs and said to Little Johnny, "What do you have in your hand?"
So again Little Johnny said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he get scared away."
Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hand!"
Little Johnny opened his hand and said, "Look Dad you scared the shit out of him!!
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 14 Nov 2012, 21:32

Some kids stopped me outside the shop earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us ten Richmond?"

"Sure I will," I replied, taking their money.

On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight. ;)
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Pete. » 15 Nov 2012, 16:36

The first one is the best, but keep trying, :P
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Snowblind » 15 Nov 2012, 22:49

LOL Sparky nice one's :P

Two stones meet in a quarry and the first one says to the other - Hey you!? the other one replies Why me? :roll: :arrow: :lol:

Best Ever!!!
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 18 Nov 2012, 02:48

Woman went home to her husband and said 'I hate my doctor, he's so rude!' Husband asks why? 'Well' she said, 'He said i had a nice fanny' Angry husband goes to the doctor and says 'What gives you the right to talk to my wife like that'? Doctor replies" I'm sorry sir, all i said was that she had acute angina'
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 19 Nov 2012, 17:29

I remember when I first started dating my wife, I got a hard-on just watching her eating a banana.
Now after ten years of marriage, I only get aroused if she starts choking on it...
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby Hans Gunsche » 19 Nov 2012, 17:47

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you?
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby QpiD » 07 Dec 2012, 13:41

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nemo saltat sobrius
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|Sparky » 20 Aug 2013, 01:02

Ok 3 jokes lol

1/
A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked.

"Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

2/
"Took a viagra at the bus stop one night?ended up standing aw night"

3/
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scot were sitting in a bar. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional. "Y'ken," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why, in Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now, the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well," said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhh, that's nothin," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin, there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims.

But, the Irishman swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me sister."
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby Yungwangye » 20 Aug 2013, 15:25

.
Last edited by Yungwangye on 07 Aug 2019, 15:01, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby Denharrow » 22 Aug 2013, 20:50

Lieutenant and pretty young girl walking in the garden near the beautiful lake...
- Lieutenant, would you like to become a swan?
- Naked ass to cold water? No, thank you!!!!

The teacher asks the boy:
- Let's imagine that you've got 200 Euro. Then you give 50 Euro to Svetlana, 50 Euro to Olga and 50 Euro to Natasha. What do you have now?
- Well.. an orgy?

Small worm asks his mother:
- Mom, where is dad?
- He's gone fishing with the guys.
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Re: Only for Laughs 2

Postby ETc|ThorN*** » 24 Aug 2013, 11:56

the Little Red Riding Hood goes across Chernobyl from radiation at her a beard, spots, hairy hands, looks the wolf runs and she says to a wolf : wolf wanna fuck me? Wolf says: such no, you terrible and ugly well the Little Red Riding Hood then lifts a dress and speaks: so if you dont wanna fuck me...suck) :lolsign:
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